My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
