I am midnight drunk by noon
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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