He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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