I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
