He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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