The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
areolas are like halos for boobs.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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