woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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