One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
