I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
