You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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