dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
