Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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