U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
