ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
