I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
