She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
