Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
