There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
