May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
