so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
