my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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