Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
