I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
