You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
