there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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