Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
