Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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