Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
