i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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