I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
