Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
