i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
