Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
