I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
