So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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