he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
