put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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