mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
