does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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