Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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