Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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