Who did Billy Mays play for?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
