Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
