so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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