Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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