theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
