ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
