I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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