I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
