while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
