Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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