i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
